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發表於 18-10-2009 02:41:34
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R.I.P. 14 months
本帖最後由 aclet0821 於 18-10-2009 04:48 編輯
Fine... don't want you guys fan Yan -.-
just typed my xanga... here's my story, get it or not...
if you don't get it, don't ask wtf happened -.-
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I just simply can't believe that this had happened to me...
I never think of, and never want this to happen...
Already happened once 3years ago, how painful was that experience...
And now, again.... FUCK THAT IS FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!! 
Three years ago, I heard one sentence that broke my heart... from person A.
andI know I deserve that too, since it was my problem, just was me being anerd, a newb, a cunt, a fag, a dick head, an idiot, a retard thatannoyed you that much...
One year after that incident, I thought... "This has to be the ONE"
15 months of love... we ended up with me hearing the same sentence again....from person B. 
From a person that I loved so much, that I could die for her, as long she is safe, she is happy.
I hated that I let you went on with the course, I hated that I didn't come back during the break, I hate... I hate...
I hated myself... for many reasons... just hate myself...
It's four days before exams, and this happened...
I have no aim, no target, no oil, no motivation to get me going...
Why would you pick this day...
Becos you want me to forget you to concentrate my studies? - without u, I fail...
Becos you want me to go away as soon as possible? - why tho?
Becos my acts (as missing you, love you) are disturbing you? - just cos we're further apart, lost love in me?
Becos you feel that I'm not trusting you anymore? - i'm always 100% at your back!!
Becos... Becos... Becos...
There are many Becos'es... But which one is the right one?
I used to promise you...
"Sweetie, I'll do my best, and I'll look after you for the rest of your life. And shall be happy forever."
"Hunny, I will never never let you walk alone."
"LP, you are the music in me."
"Darling, can't spend Chong Chou Chik with you, but I'll spend my x'mas with you for sure."
"I'm not good at surprises, but I'll do my best to give you one."
Many promises I made, some I did do my promises, some I can't...
One promise you made, I was looking forward to... as 5 weeks till landing back to Hong Kong...
but now... *sign* you break your promise...
Now... it's all gone...
All my dreams are gone...
I don't want to study... I don't want to play violin... I don't want to sleep... I don't want to eat...
I just don't want to do anything... and I want to die!
How funny is this, 
When my friends are facing these problems...
I always get them to be tough... comfort them...
Once I'm in the situation... I couldn't handle it...
Heart is broken... my energy bar is cracked... my mental bar is cracked...
Just that simple, I don't want to live now anymore...
Stuff life... fuck that...
Why is that God gives that such challenge to us...
Why is this happening... why...
If... the only thing I can do to make you happy is to get away from you...
No... phone calls... No... Messages... No... wake up calls...
No... hugs... No... shoulder for you when you are crying....
Then fine, so be it... but I prefer to die instead of me facing these...
I will misses those we did in the last 15months... and keep them in my heart 
Yes, I am Alvin Chan...
18 year old... Chinese... Australian...
was tough, now weak... was always positive, now always negative...
was love to smile, now sad face... was being loved, now not loved...
Now, instead of sharing happiness with a person I love...
I am now suffering by myself...
If there are anything I can do to make you come back to be with me Happily,
I would do so, but seems...it won't happen...
You had already said
"What I decided, no one can change. And I hope you will take my suggestion."
All I'm hoping is... this is not real... I'm only in a bad bad dream...
but the chance is very very very low....
I'd wish you to come back, say sorry, you didn't meant that...
But again, chance is very very very low...
This is Sadness 1... Sadness 2 is coming up...
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play count or awake count : 20hr
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發表於 17-10-2009 22:57:49
變色卡